When Everybody is Pregnant or Had Just Have Babies and We are Not

.

I feel so isolated

when I came into my friend`s baby`s birthday or baby showers, I saw pregnant friends, I saw new born babies, I saw how they smiled while holding their babies. They`re talking about how to bathe their babies, they`re talking about buying baby stuffs together, etc... while I was stood there feels like all alone.. no baby.. no baby-bump yet... nothing to talk about.. just standing there alone and pretend like I`m okay while I died a litte inside..

.

I feel so different

everytime someone asking me about how long I`ve been married? I`m started to feel uncomfortable, because I know their next question must be `do I have a baby yet?` and it such a great reminder of HOW DIFFERENT I AM compares to MOST WOMEN... and It hurts so much.. -___-

.

I feel upset

At the end of the day all I feel the most is upset. Upset for not being trusted to carry a baby on my own yet! Upset for not being trusted to be a Mother! Because I know I would be a damn good Mother compares to some ungrateful moms out there. I feel Upset because I`ve done the best I could to live a healthy life, to take all those tests, but still coming empty. Sometimes at night I talked to God and question my worth before God..

.

I feel hopeless

Days that turns into years, strength that turns into tears, positive thought that turns into emptiness and hopes that turns into broken hearts. I`m no angel, I have feelings, my patience have its limit, sometimes I feel so hopeless.. too hopeless even just simply to going to ObGyn.. too hopeless even just to talking about baby.. There are days when I want nothing..  and I`d cry a river when I hear a baby`s crying in TV.. Sounds great huh?

.

.