Brace me one more day O God

Dear God,
Seeing those new born babies…
Seeing those pregnant ladies…
Sometimes makes me think…
When will you let that bless happens on me?
Why am I not worth enough to be a mother?
What should I do to ensure you?

Forgive me for asking those questions…
I`m weak, I'm vulnerable at some point…
But deep down I still believe…
You have a wonderful plan for me…

Brace me God,
Brace me so I would not cry, every time I hold a baby…
Brace me through all the tests, so I would not get tired…
Brace me to keep fight for it…
Just brace me one more day…

Things You Should Never Say To Us!

Infertility problem for most of us is like a grieving process. Rollercoaster of emotion that full with ups and downs. Waiting, hoping, disappointment, hurt, pain in knowing that SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOUR BODY (literally). It is a medical problem, it`s like you being diagnose with cancer or other life-threatening disease.

If you have friends or families whose dealing with Infertility problems, here are things you should never say to them:

1. Pregnant yet?
Asking us question like that really won`t help. If you intend to have a pep talk.. pleaseee.. avoid this phrase! It`s like we being remind of how unfertile our womb by not being pregnant yet.. Trust us, when we get pregnant, we will tell to the whole world! If necessary we will just spam all website just to tell we are pregnant and to show how HAPPY we are!
 
2. "It`s just not the time, just be patient" 
When talking about "It`s just not the time" Its like you put curse on us, you determine our destiny by words you said. Its not in your power to decide is it the time or not, Its in God`s hand. No human is appropriate to say this to other human! and did you know how many years already gone by? Being patient is the first thing we have done all year.
   
3. "Enjoy your childless moment"
I heard this a lot and it didnt make feel any better. Really! Manicure, shopping, gathering with friends, travel, having fun, midnite movie.. Trust me, Most of us must had enjoy them that like million time when we were still single, we had enough of that and right now we want to be a mom!
 
4. "Don`t overthink about it, relax!"
How can you stop thinking about something that become your ultimate dream? Having a child on our own must be on the top of our bucket list. Our ultimate dream! The highest achievement in human life and how can we relax if knowing something is totally wrong with your body? Depressing lab results, crazy bills to pay, weary mental, pressure from relatives. It drives us nuts!

5. "Cherish what you have now"
So yeah, we have good life, good husband, supportive family, we can travel a lot, we have this, we own that. We totally aware and indeed very grateful of what we have right now, but truly, nothing compare with the blessing to have a baby on our own.
 
6. "Sometimes I wish I didn`t have a baby this early"
This statement always trigger my anger. Everytime I heard I was like "The ffff you just said? God blessed you with such of fertile womb and yet you put cursed on them? you regret one of God`s ultimate bless in life? Are you even have a heart?". 
Be careful with what you about to say, words can be so hurtful. Mostly when you said it to us -who struggle to death just to have at least one baby-

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Pressure from infertility

Yesterday, my childhood besties came over with her baby girl..
I cooked for lunch and bought some snacks..
We had a good time, me, my bestfriends and her baby..

Her baby`s so adorable.. She scream a lot, make some noises, kicking, spill the milk.. and so on.. but honestly.. it didn`t bother me.. I only got panic when her baby`s crying out loud and she just won`t stop.. I was like... "is that something wrong with her? does she hurt? does she hungry? and so on... and apparently, she just wanted to go outside home and enjoy evening breeze... O my.. (^_^)

My hubby was in the bedroom, enjoying his saturday off from work.. I left him alone while I soaked my self into this pond of happiness of motherhood with my bestie`s cutey baby girl..

In some certain moment, I just watched my bestie with her baby girl doing their stuff.. Well it amazed me how my childhood bestie already being a mother.. I almost cry at that time.. but nah.. I can managed..

After joyous hours with my besties and her baby girl, I crawled back into my bedroom.. Cheking out my hubby, see if he needs something... I cooked prawn curry for his dinner.. We had a good dinner chat.. the light one...

But then.. we talked about my bestie`s baby girl, I got shocked pretty bad with his respond... He didn`t say that he don`t like baby... but... I got this one disturbing fact that he said "Can you manage to have a baby that scream a lot like that?" and his face expression was like o_O

Honestly, I get offended... not because he seems like didn`t like the baby, but the fact that showed.. his body gestures.. his face expression... It shows that he actually feel bother with that baby screaming stuff... So I came to my own conclusion that he`s not ready yet to have a baby in our home... and it breaks my heart it made me so quite last night..

Is it only me who overreacted? or is it the things that really getting harder each day? I can`t tell.. but I know it did breaks my heart..

Beef Curry

Because of the advance of technology, we are able to make curry in a very easy way! Thanks for those geniuses out there! Godbless!! :)

STEP 1: Prep the ingredients

1 pc boiled potato

1 pc boiled carrot

100 gram beef

1 pc garlic shreded

1 pc onion cut vertically

STEP 2: Stir the ingredients

On medium heat, pour 1tsp of Veggy oil

Saute the Onion and Garlic until it soften

Put the beef, stir for 3 min then set aside

Put 1tbsp of Soy Sauce, 1 tbsp of tomato sauce, 1 tbsp of worcester sauce.

200 ml water (depend on how thicken the curry you like)

Pour some salt, paper, thyme, oregano

Take 1 part of curry block, tear em apart and put it evenly in the pan

Sets the fire on low heat, let it simmer until the liquid is thicken.

STEP 3: Finishing

Turn off the fire

Put all boiled veggies and rested beef, stir gently

It goes soOo great with rice!

Enjoy imediately!

Late Night Prayer

Dear God, I get weary sometimes 

for remembering how I still end up with no baby here.. 

Forgive me for being upset when I saw pregnant lady.. 

Forgive me for questioned you everytime I saw babies.. 

Forgive me O God, for I being such a sinner for doubted you.. 

Let me always remember that you've planned my life to be beautiful in your way..

Being a Stay at Home Wife is.... (Part I)

A Personal Choice!

When we get married, we decided how we are going to run our family. It is a commitment between us. Who's gonna makes money, who's gonna manage the households, who's gonna looking after the children, etc.

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My hubby is a conventional Japanese man, since we're in the early relationship he always got this pictured about a family where Husband go to work, a wife stay at home with their lovely kids. Deep down -despite my dream to achieve carrier- my heart wanted it too. But at that moment, the fear, the pain, still had me.

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I kinda lost the feeling of love. It was just a day-dreaming... Grew up with divorced parents, --you don`t really know how it feels to see your family falling apart--, living separated from mom and dad, It felt like my closest days to hell and I won`t end up like them. So I had this  ambition to forget about marriage. But.......... as I grew up and met this wonderful man, I changed my mind..
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Cause I ever promised myself, If I ever found a love and had a chance to build a family, I will never let my children and husband down. I will play my role as a wife and mom better by staying at home and watch my family's grow. Be there when they need me. Personally, I dont think I could be there for them if I go to 9-5 work --instead we had thought about me running my own business so that I'd have things to explore my passions yet have flexible time to play my role--

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Meat Ball Tomato Sauce

I love it when the herbs meet the meat..

Parsley.. Thyme.. They smells so good with garlic, also the texture of chopped onion glued evenly with the meat! Simply delicious!

STEP 1: Make The Dough

• Put the 100gr minched beef in a bowl
• Add 2 slice of bread, shreded
• Add bunch of salt and paper
• Add bunch of dry or fresh parsley and thyme
• Add 1 pc of shreded garlic
• Add half shreded onion
• Mix it evenly, cover your hand using plastic glove
• Make small ball of beef

STEP 2: Fry!

Put 1 tsp of veggie oil
Put 1 tsp of margarine
Set in a low heat, when it sets, put all meat balls into the pan
Fry the potatoes in other pan, until it turns golden brown

STEP 3: Make the sauce

2 pcs garlic, shreded

Half onion cut vertically
3 tbsp of tomato sauce
1 tsp veggie oil
Fry em in a medium heat pan until it sets
Put the meat balls and fried potatoes into this pan for 3 min, then rest em.

Plate em and enjoy with mayonaise! :)

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Carrot Shrimp Roll

Care for chinese supper? Carrot shrimp roll is tricky but easy to make. It takes about 45 min to cook em!

STEP 1: Prep the filling

• Clean and wash the 4 pcs of baby corns, 1/2 carrot, bean sprouts and 2 pcs shrimps (make sure you cut the upper back and clean their dump)
• Then cut the baby corns and carrots into a shreded shape
• Cut 2 onion sticks horizontally (prefer take the branch instead of the leaf)

• Buy a ready-to use shrimp roll skin
• Beat 1 pc of egg evenly (we will use the egg as a glue)
• Cut the shrimps as well
• Shred 3 pcs of garlic
• Cut half of the onion into pieces

STEP 2: Make the filling

• Pour 2 tbsp of veggie oil (low heat)
• Cook the garlic and onion until the color turns into medium brown
• Put the shrimp, stir it about 1min
• Pour in sesame oil, worcester sauce and oyster sauce, stir about 2min
• Put all the veggies, salt, pepper and instant chicken broth, stir em evenly about 6min
• Pour the sweet soy sauce, stir em about 2min

STEP 3: Make the roll!

• Put the egg mix onto the surface of skin evenly
• Put the filling in the center of the skin
• Roll the skin upside, tuck in the filling neatly, then roll the left and right side into the center, then roll em upward.

• Repeat the same methods until all filling is used

STEP 4: Fry!!

• Fry em in a medium heat pan

Enjoy em!

Fried Bread Choco Filling

It is a nice choice for afternoon tea time. Enjoy the bread choco filling with a cup of english hot tea! Splendid!

STEP 1: Make the dough

• Mix evenly 150 gram plain flour, 75 gram boiled potatoes, 1/2 tsp instant yeast, 1/4 baking soda, 4 tbsp powder milk, 2 tbsp sugar, 1/2 tsp powder vanilli
• Make a pond in the center, pour in 1 beaten egg, stir gently, add 50 ml cold fresh milk and keep stiring gently
• Add 1/2 tsp salt and then 2 tbsp margarine, stir it evenly
• Rest them 45 min to raise (note: close the dough using fabrics)

STEP 2: Make a small ball

• make a small ball about 50 gram each
• rest them about 15 minutes
• then put the choco filling inside the dough (note: use a table spoon, coat it with veggy oil first)
• you might heat the pan meanwhile

STEP 3: Fry em!

• make sure the dough drown perfectly into a medium hot oil pan
• wait until the color turns into golden brown and rest em

• Plate em then pour powder sugar evenly

The chocolate filling is still melting when I torn them apart.. The texture of the dough inside is somewhat creamy.. Loooooveed it! Enjoy em immediately! :)

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